Mark Twain 58

NEWSPAPERS

     Mark Twain lived in a time when people depended on newspapers for most of their information about what was goiing on in the world.  He thought the public was too willing to believe the half-truths printed in the newpapers.  In an 1872 speech on "the Sins of the Press," he gave this example:
     "A Detroit paper once said that I was in the constant habit of beating my wife and that I still kept up this recreation up although I had crippled her for life and she was no longer able to keep out of my way when I came home in my usual frantic frame of mind.  Now scarcely the half of that was true. '

The trouble is that the stupid people--who constitute the grand overwhelming majority of this and all other nations--do believe and are moulded and convinced by what they get out of a mewspaper.   (from a speech "License of the Press," 1873)

The old saw says, "Let sleeping dog lie."  Right.  Still when there is much at stake it is better to get a newspaper to do it.  (from Following the Equator, 1897)

NEW YORK

I. a virtuous person only a year before, after immersion for one year--during one year in the New York morals--had no more conscience than a millionaire.  (from a 1906 speech, "New York Morals")

NEW YORKERS

     A New Yorker once chided Mark Twain:  "You Missouri people are all right, but you're too provincial."
     "Provincial?"  retorted Twain.  "On the contrary.  Nobody in New York knows anything about Missouri, but everybody in Missouri knows all about New York."

NOAH

The more I see of modern marine architechture and engineering the more I am dissatisfied with Noah's Ark. . . .Nobody but a farmer cold have designed such a thing, for such a purpose.  (from an 1896 notebook)

More observations on today's news...

1.  See earlier comments on anti-religious hate crimes.  Muslims were celebrating the end of Ramadan in a Staten Island park--someone spread three packages of uncooked bacon around the park, with an anti-Muslim note.  Is this a hate crime?  My take: if it is a crime the crime is littering.  Is it anti-religious?  Definitely!!!

2.  Jeff Foxworthy has a new show--The Bible Challenge--don't know where it is seen, probably Fox network.  He gave 5 sample questions (Jonah, Babel) I missed one:  What did God use to create man.  Choices:  clay, dust, water, earth.  I chose clay--the answer was dust ("Ashes to ashes,dust to dust")--but all the editions that I have:  KJV, RSV, NIV, New English, American Standard--all list 'ground'.  I like Foxworthy's arguement for 'dust'

3.  California decided to help underwater mortgages by lowering the principal of the loan (up to $100,000 reduction in principal): banks to pay for half, the state the other half.  Banks refused, so state said they would pay 100%--but they only have enough Stimulus Fund Money to cover 50% so they have been told that the US government will pay for the other half--that's you and me, paying for California mortgages.  $100,000 is about the size of my mortgage--and yet I have to pay for someone to have that amount taken off of his principal.  How bout taking that amount off mine so I can own my house free and clear.  What's going on in California, David?

4.  NC Voter Integrity Project found that in Wake County more than 550 people were on the voters rolls that were probably not citizens and eligible to vote.  The Board of Elections chose 18 (don't know what criterion was used for the choices) and are holding meetings as we write this--but only to discuss the 18--not the 550.  In Wake, after the 2008 elections, three Democrats admitted they voted twice for Obama.  Gov. Perdue vetoed the Voter-ID, and the Dems in the NC House blocked the override.  In Miss, the head of the NAACP is in jail on 10 counts of voter fraud.   Who says we don't need voter ID?  The Democrats, the NAACP, and our Justice Department!  Do the math!

5.  The Detroit Sanitation Department has twice the number of employees than the city of Chicago  (Population: Chicago:  2.7 million;  Detroit: 707,000) based on amount of water processed.  Consultant group told Detroit they could save millions by reducing the force by 1/3.  Unions refused to go along.  (The Department has on its work force a horse shoer--yet it has no horses, nor horse shoes--and the Union refuses to allow Detroit to eliminate even that job--The Union actually said they need MORE employees to do the job.  No wonder Detroit is in trouble.  Can you say that this is a city run by the unions, not the people and their elected representatives.

6.  Last:  GOP nominee from Missouri Todd Akin:  THIS IS NOT A DEFENSE OF AKIN--HE SHOULD GO!! AND TODAY.  But he is being condemned for something he said.  What he said was stupid--and we don't need any more stupid people in Congress.  But I would like to compare what the reaction is to what people say versus what they do and the reactions of each party to each.  Think back  Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott lauded Strom Thurmond on his 100th birthday  He made reference to Strom's run for the Presidency on the Dixiecrat ticket (without naming it) and was roundly censured by both the GOP and the Dems. He went on an apology tour, but was still forced to resign as Majority Leader.  He won re-election (he was basically unapposed) but resigned from the Senate the next year.  In the meantime, the Democrat leader of Senate was Robert Byrd of West Virginia--a former leader of the KKK, and used the "N" word twice in a TV interview (he called himself the "N" word).  No condemnation, no apology tour.  Rep. Dan Crane (R, Ill) and Gerry Studds (D. Mass) were both caught having affairs with interns--Crane with a female, Studds  with a male.  Both were censured by the House--Crane faced the House as the censure was read--then did not run for re-election because of the scandal.  Studds turned his back on the House as the censure was read, received 2 standing ovations from the people of Mass at town meetings shortly after the censure and was re-elected 6 times.  He did not apologize for the affair: said it was consensual.  Mark Grayson (D,Fla) spoke on the House:  "GOP health care plan:  Don't get sick, if you do get sick, Die quickly"  no condemnation of this by Dems.  Mark Foley (R. Fla)  was caught sending sexually-explicit messages to former male interns (there was no proof of contact, just messages) He was forced to resign by the GOP leadership.  Anthony Weiner (D.NY) was caught sending sexually explicit photographs to females ( I think one was an intern)  He denied it saying the charges were false--then was caught in the lie and THEN he resigned. He now is thinking of running for mayor.  (by the way, his wife is the subject of Michelle Backman's charges of possible involvement of the Muslim Brotherhood in setting State department policy with Arab countries--she is Hillary Clinton's Chief of Staff; her mother, father, uncle and I believe her grandfather were high officials of the Muslim Brotherhood.)  Obama government not only has refused to investigate, but also has refused Freedon of Information request for documents giving her her clearances for her status.  John Corzine (Senator, later Governor D NJ)  ran an investment house that looted customer accounts of $2 Billion--a clear violation of the law--Holder's Justice Department is going to drop criminal charges.  WHY?  BilI Clinton had sex with an intern in the Oval Office, lied about it (in typical Obama practice, blamed a vast right-wing conspiracy) lied to the grand jury, then got caught in the lie was impeached  but defended by Dems (we shouldn't condemn someone for what they do in private--and one should always lie about extra-marital affairs to protect the family) I could go on, but this is too long already:  But here is the moral of the story (with the exception of Weiner) The Republicans get harsher penalties--many times imposed by theGOP itself--for what they say , than what happens to Dems for what they do ;   And the Dems can say anything they want without censure or reprimand.

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NARRATIVE

     "In writing, it is usually stronger and more dramatic to have a man speak for himself than to have someone else relate a thing about him," Mark Twain told a New York audience during a question-and-answer session after a lecture.
     "Suppose a man dies," someone asked.  "Is it stronger to have the man himself say that he has died?"
     "Sometimes,"  Mark Twain answered.  "Take the case of Major Patterson, down in Missouri, when a squatter had moved in on some of the extensive lands he had laid claim to.  Deciding to use the frightening method to get the squatter off, the Major donned a mask one dark night, moumted an enormous black horse, rode to the squatter's door , called him out, and asked for a bucket of water.  The Major had also availed himself of a contrivance. . . a large leather bag on his chest and stomach, buttoned securely under his coat.
     When the squatter had brought the water the Major raised the three-gallon bucket, slowly poured its contents into the bag through an opening at his throat, turned to the astonished squatter and said, 'Ah-h-h-- That's the first drink of water I've had since I was killed at the battle of Shiloh!'
     "The squatter disappeared from that part of the country,"  Mark Twain concluded.  "And I think you will agree that when the Major spoke for himself, the effect was stronger than otherwise."

NEW DEAL

     "F.D.R. tole me tht he took his famous phrase from M.T.'s Connecticut Yankee when I presented him our Mark Twain Gold Medal, 3rd December 1933," wrote Cyril Clemens, editor of The Mark Twain Journal, a leading scholarley organ.
     The phrase that gave a name to Franklin Delano Roosevelt's administration was drawn from a chapter entitled "Freemen!" in which the Connecticut Yankee, who is basically an updated Jeffersonian democrat with technocratic tendencies, confronting the backward realities of the medieval monarchy and decides it is high time for a revolution.  "And now here I was in a country where a right to say how the country should be governed was restricted to six persons in each thousand of its population," he observed.  "I was to become a stockholder in a corporation where nine hundred and ninety-four of the members furnished all the money and did all the work, and the other six elected themselves a permanent board  of direction and took all the dividends.  It seemes to me that what the nine hundred and ninety-four dupes needed wa a new deal."
     A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court was less popular with the critics than Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, but Mark Twain considered it his magnum opus;  It is the clearest and most complete statement of the author's democratic, egalitarian philosophy.  the book was artistically flawed because the author inserted so much of his own opinion into it and did not disguise himself behind the mask of artistic irony as successfully as he did in Huckleberry Finn.  In Huckleberry Finn, the author's views are so artfully masked that to this day there are some blacks who consider the book racist.  But nobody will ever accuse the Connecticut Yankee, or his creator, of being a monarchist.  A Connecticut Yankee is a literary manifesto for democratic revolution.
     "It's my swan song, my retirement from literature," Mark Twain wrote sadly to his friend Howells.  "Well, my book is written--let it go, but if it were only to write over again there wouldn't be so many things left out.  They burn in me. . . .but now they can't ever be said;  and besides they would require a library--and a pen warmed up in hell.

Mark Twain on Mothers

MOTHER

     "I was always told that I was a sickly and precarious and tiresome and uncertain child,"  Mark Twain informed his biographer Paine, "and lived mainly on allopathic medicines during the first seven years of my life.  I asked my mother about this, in her old age--she was was in her eighty-seventh year--and said: 'I suppose that during all that time you were uneasy about me?' "
     "Yes, the whole time,"  said she.
     "Afraid I wouldn't live?"
     After a reflective pause--ostensibly to think out the facts--"No--afraid you would."

MOTHER-IN-LAW

     Mark Twain taught that there are two types of humor, conscious humor and unconscious humor.  He used the following mother-in-law joke as an example of unconscious humor.
           A man receives a telegram telling him that his mother-in-law is dead and asking, "Shall we embalm, bury, or cremate her?"
           He wired back, "If these fail, try dissection."
"Now the unconscious humor of this,"  Mark Twain explained, "was that he thought they'd try all of the three means suggested, anyway."

MORALS

     Mark Twain often described himself as a "professional moralist."  In a speech in London in June 1899, he told of the turning point in his moral development.  It was one day in his youth when he stole a watermelon out of a farmer's wagon while the farmer was waiting on another customer:  " 'stole' is a harsh term, I withdrew--I retired that watermelon--and I retired with it."  Much to his chagrin, the watermelon turned out to be unripe.
     "The minute I saw it was green I was sorry, and began to reflect--reflection is the beginning of reform. . . .I said to myself  'What ought a boy to do who has stolen a green watermelon?  What would George Washington do, the father of his country, the only American who could not tell a lie?  What would he do?  There is only one right, high, noble thing for any boy to do who has stolen a watermelon of that class; he must make restitution; he must restore that stolen property to its rightful owner.'  I said i would do it when I made that good resolution.  I felt it would be a noble, uplifting obligation.  I rose up spiritually stronger and refreshed.  I carried that watermelon back--what was left of it--and restored it to the farmer, and made him give me a ripe one in its place."

Always do right.  This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.   (from a note to the Young People's Society, 1901)

The Moral Sense teaches us what is right, and how to avoid it--when unpopular.   (from an essay "The United States of Lyncherdom,"  published in 1923)

No brute ever does a cruel thing--that is the monopoly of those with the Moral Sense.   (from "The Mysterious Stranger," published in 1916)

A man should not be without morals;  it is better to have bad morals than none at all.   (from an 1894 notebook)

It is not best that we use our morals week days;  it gets them out of repair for Sundays.  (from an 1898 notebook)

Presidential Children

 In "National Review" (August 27, 2012), Kevin Williamson has written an interesting article about the gender of children born to "born leaders"--boss material--based on the Trivers-Willard hypothesis: an evolutionary biology study that says "high-status animals tend to have more male offspring than female offspring.  The theory holds true across many species, from red deer to mink to Homo sap.  The offspring of rich families are statistically biased in favor of sons--the children of the general population are 51% male and 49% female, but the children of the Forbes billionaire list are 60% male."  Romney has 5 sons, no daugthers;  18 grandchildren (13 boys, 5 girls). When he goes to church at the summer family reunion they make up a third of the congregation.  No wonder he's rich--Hey, mom, what happened to us--oh, forgot, we are rich in the Spirit--and some of us don't believe in evolution anyway--at least I know Dad didn't.
What about our Presidents (I'm taking a leap here equating leadersip and skill in the wielding of power to wealth--the focus of the article--but then I don't know too many rich red deer or mink--although their coats are expensive.  Here are the 20th and 21st century presidents--Biden doesn't know about the 21st century ones--he's still in the 20th century.
Obama  2 girls
W. Bush  2 girls
Clinton 1 girl
HW Bush 4 boys and 2 girls
Reagan 1 boy, 2 girls, 1 adopted son--Michael, the closest to him in political leanings
Carter 3 boys 1 girl
Ford 3 boys and 1 girl  (remember: he was our only non-elected president--appointed to the position by Nixon after Spiro Agnew resigned over kickbacks while gov of MD.
Nixon 2 girls
LBJ  2 girls
JFK 2 boys (1 died before his first birthday) 1 girl
Ike 2 boys (1 died at age 4)
Truman 1 girl
FDR 4 boys 1 girl
Hoover 2 boys
Coolidge 2 boys (Calvin, jr. died at 16)
Harding no children--but was rumored to have an illegitimate daughter--not proven.  He married a divorcee with a young son--no word on whether Harding adopted him.
Wilson 3 girls  (and he was a mysoginist, who tried to prevent the women from getting the right to vote?)
Taft 2 boys
Teddy Roosevelt 4 boys 2 girls  ('favorite' son, youngest was killed in WW1.  Teddy wanted to get his commision from the Spanish-American War back so he could go fight--at age 60--Wilson refused--Teddy died the next year
For those interested in the past 'great' Presidents (the Mount Rushmore ones):
Lincoln 4 boys (three died while quite young, at ages 4,8 18--Robert Todd, his 1st born died in 1926 at age 83)
Jefferson 5 girls 1 stillborn son  (interesting fact--his eldest lived for 64 years, followed by the son, #2 daughter died at 3, third daughter  (Lucy Elizabeth died at 1, then they had another daughter that they also named Lucy Elizabeth.  Martha Jefferson died shortly after and the second Lucy died at age 3--Jefferson must have been a very melancholy man.  The claim tht he fathered children by the slave Sally Hemmings--his wife's half sister--have been disputed by as many credible historians as there are on the other side of the issue--many claim they were fathered by a Jefferson cousin--dates of his visits to Monticello match up with births of Sally's children. And DNA tests tht have been done would implicate any male Jefferson--including the cousin.
Washington no children, adopted Martha's son and and daughter  
So it looks like if Romney wants to be president, he and his wife better get busy and have 2 girls (Obama, WBush, HWBush, Reagan,Nixon, LBJ) --or better theory--we elect presidents who have no concept of money, no wonder we're in such a financial mess (Although Carter and Ford destroy that theory--remember WIN--'Whip inflation now' with Ford and Stagflation with Carter)--they fit the hypothesis mentioned at the beginning, but they sure mishandled the economy.

Mark Twain 56

I'm working on a piece about Saul Alinsky (Rules for Radicals) a hero of both President Obama and Hillary Clinton (in case you thought she was more moderate than him), but I'm having trouble getting it short enough to keep everyone interested.  If not later today, then probably Saturday after I get back from the hospital.  So in the mean time, here's today's Twain:

MUSIC

     Music is a salve for the wounds of the soul, and everyone, no matter how devoid of musical talent, has sometime suffered from a yearning to play an instrument.  Often, the lesser the talent, the greater the yearning.  Mark Twain succumbed to this temptation himself.  "After a long immunity from the dreadful insanity that moves a man to become a musician in defiance of the will of God'" he recalled, "I finally fell a victim to the instrument that they call an accordion."
     He learned to play "Auld Lang Syne" on it.  "After I had been playing 'Lang Syne' about a week, I had the vanity to think I could improve the original melody, and I set about adding some little flourishes and variations to it."  He was soon driven out of his boardinghouse because of the vehement objections of the other  boarders.  He moved to another boardinghouse and was driven out of that one as well.  After moving into his third boardinghouse in a week, the deternined amateur musiciasn once more resumed playing "Auld Lang Syne."
     "The very first time I struck up the variations, a haggard, careworn, cadaverous old man walked into my room and stood beaming upon me a smile of ineffable happiness.  Then he placed his hand upon my head, and looking devoutly aloft, he said with feeling unction, and in a voice trembling with emotion, 'God bless you, young man!  God  bless you!  For you have done that for me which is beyond all praise.  For years I have suffered from an incurable disease, and knowing my doom was sealed and that I must die, I have striven with all my power to resign myself to my fate, but in vain--the love of life was too strong within me.  But heaven bless you, my benefactor! for since I heard you play that tune and those variations, I do not want to live any longer--I am entirely resigned--I am willing to die--in fact, I am anxious to die."

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

NEIGHBORS

Mark Twain had been postponing a social call upon some new neighbors, but one day he saw an opportunity.  "My name is Clemens," he said, bowing politely.  "We ought to have called on you before, and I beg your pardon for intruding now in this informal way, but your house is on fire."

NATURE

Architects cannot teach nature anything.  (from an essay "Memorable Midnight Experience," 1874)

Mark Twain 54

MONEY

     Mark Twain was of two minds about money.  In his life he made a fortune and he lost a fortune, more than once.  He was born in poverty, he was wealthy at the age of fitfty, bankrupt at sixty, and wealthy again at seventy.  His life story was a story of rags to riches, yet there was always a part of him, like Huckleberry Finn, more comfortable in rags.
     Mark Twain gave a name to the materialistic age he lived in:  "TheGilded Age."  He savagely satirized plutocrats in print.  Yet one of his best friends, Henry Rogers, was a millionaire.
     Once when Mark Twain was in Bermuda on a vecation with Rogers, a Bermudan remarked to Twain, "Your friend Rogers is a good fellow. It's a pity his money is tainted."
     "It's twice tainted," said Twain, nodding knowingly.  "Tain't yours, and tain't mine."

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country.

The motto ["In God We Trust'] stated a lie.  If this nation has ever trusted in God, that time has gone by; for nearly half a century almost its entire trust has been in the Republican party and the dollar--mainly the dollar.

There was never a nation in the world that put its whole trust in God. . . .I think it would better read, "Within certain judicious limitations we trust in God,"  and if there isn't enough room on the coin for this, why, enlarge the coin.    (from a 1908 speech: "Jumping to Conclusions")

Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute--but they all worship money.    (from an 1898 notebook)

Simple rules for saving money:  To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to charity, wait and count forty.  To save three-quarters, count sixty.  To save it all, count sixty-five.     (from Following the Equator, 1897)